You Think You Know A Lot, Then You Have Kids

I’ve seen this post in and around the Interwebs before. As far as I can tell, this was originally posted by an anonymous Mother in Austin, Texas. She describes the 26 things her children have taught her. Every time I read it, I giggle. Not only is it funny, I think it is brilliant. Only a parent can truly appreciate it.

Enjoy!

  1. A king-sized waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq. ft. house 4 inches deep.
  2. If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite.
  3. A 3-year old’s voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.
  4. If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound boy wearing Batman underwear and a Superman cape. It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20 x 20 ft. room.
  5. You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on.
  6. When using a ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit.
  7. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way. (a wiffle ball still does enough damage)
  8. The glass in windows (even double-pane) doesn’t stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.
  9. When you hear the toilet flush and the words “uh oh,” it’s already too late.
  10. Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.
  11. A six-year old can start a fire with a flint rock even though 36-year-old man says they can only do it in the movies.
  12. Certain Lego’s will pass through the digestive tract of a 4-year old.
  13. Play Dough and microwave should not be used in the same sentence.
  14. Super glue is forever.
  15. No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still can’t walk on water.
  16. Pool filters do not like Jell-O.
  17. VCR’s do not eject PB&J sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do.
  18. Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.
  19. Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.
  20. You probably do not want to know what that odor is.
  21. Always look in the oven before you turn it on. Plastic toys and ovens are a bad combination.
  22. The fire department has a 5-minute response time.
  23. The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy.
  24. It will, however, make cats dizzy.
  25. Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy. (Very True)
  26. The mind of a 6-year old is wonderful. First grade…true story.

P.S. 25.6% of the men who read this will try mixing the Clorox and brake fluid

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